After just a few years of working in the legal profession you’ll begin to get the feeling that you’ve seen and heard it all — wildly implausible scenarios, unexpected reactions to mundane events, the whole spectrum of human experience. And I think that’s true no matter what field of law you’re working in.
But it can be a problematic sensation.
It can lead us to make assumptions based on a sort of caricature of our clients. We nod our way through client meetings, thinking, “yeah, I know where this is going” and jump to conclusions without fully listening or grasping the nuances of the individuals in front of us.
Of course, this is entirely natural. We’ve spent years learning and employing the IRAC framework — issue, state the law, analysis, come to a conclusion. And there is a place for that type of thinking. But it’s not every conversation and it’s especially inappropriate during our initial interaction with clients.
Because clients sense when they aren’t being listened to.
They know when you’ve already jumped 10 steps ahead. And it makes them feel that they’re being extracted from, rather than heard. It fosters distrust.
Conversely, when you resist the urge to immediately jump into problem-solving mode and resolve to just listen to your client, to allow them to share their story fully, they feel more secure, more trusting. It’s wildly healing for them and it allows you to grasp the nuances of each client and each case that will ultimately lead you to come up with a wider range of solutions.
In short, it helps you become better at your job.
So how do you provide yourself and your clients with the time and space that fosters better understanding?
You commit to becoming a better listener. Here’s how:
Bring awareness to your client conversations.
Firstly, ensure you’re fully present to actually engage in the conversation.
This will involve bringing your awareness to the present moment:
Notice the urge to fill every space and instead allow for spaciousness. Allow those natural pauses without immediately rushing in with your next question. You’ll be surprised at what might emerge as you give your client additional space to gather their thoughts or steel themselves to share more.
Notice too, those moments in which you’ve tuned out as you start thinking about your next contribution to the conversation. Remember the old adage of “listen to understand, not to respond”? Understanding their perspective — even if you don’t agree with it — is especially important here.
Ask open-ended questions.
Asking open-ended questions — questions that encourage more than a simple “yes” or “no” response — can help you draw far more information from the person you’re talking to. It prompts clients to consider their answers more carefully, to share nuanced perspectives, and to include more detail in their responses. All of which will give you a broader picture of their situation and give you the information you need to serve them in the best way possible.
Be willing to get things wrong.
Our legal education has trained us to believe that we have to win every conversation — but this isn’t helpful here.
Be willing to be imperfect here. Be willing to get things wrong. Don’t worry if you don’t yet have all of the answers — it’s not a test.
Use “I” statements.
Own what’s true for you — don’t assume what’s true for the person you’re talking to. Good advice for lawyering, good advice for life!
Pay attention to the intelligence of your body.
Notice what you’re feeling in your body. Pay attention to non-verbal listening and cues. Your instincts will often alert you to when someone is saying all of the right things, but it just feels off.
Think about what hasn’t been said.
As you approach the end of the conversation, look back and think about what hasn’t been said. What haven’t you considered yet? What don’t you know yet? Are there any knowledge gaps you need to fill?
Practice mindfulness.
And finally, cultivate a mindfulness practice.
When you practice mindfulness — even for a short pause each day — you gradually build a toolbox that helps you become a better listener.
You learn how to be comfortable with silence and ambiguity. You find it easier to stay patient and grounded. You notice distractions as they come and go but you build up the muscle memory of coming back to the present moment whenever your mind starts to drift.
And, most significantly of all, you gain the ability to be more cognitively empathetic, compassionate, and accepting. You become less judgmental and become adept at creating spaciousness — for yourself and for the people around you — in the moment.
If you’d like to explore how mindfulness can help you become a better listener and a better lawyer, I’d love to invite you to join me for a Mindful Pause. With this self-guided online course, you can find more ease, more joy, and more productivity in your law practice — in just 6 minutes a day. Click here to find out more.