I teach a lot of workshops on incorporating mindfulness into everyday life, both in and out of law practice. Often, the lawyers in the room have very idealistic expectations about what meditation will do for them and how their minds will behave during meditation.
The lawyers expect to “ace” meditation on the first try. They think during meditation, their mind will be completely free of thoughts and they’ll experience an instant stress-free state, on-demand. This would be akin to having a model-like body after going to the gym once. Meditation practice, much like law practice, requires just that — practice. Fortunately, lawyers are excellent at practicing. We’re good at crafting and honing our skills.
It’s Okay To Have Thoughts During Meditation
The reality of meditation is this: during meditation, one aspect of the mind you will certainly encounter is the cycle of thoughts and the mind’s repeated return to clarity. These moments, when the mind returns to itself, are key to building your practice. It is in these moments we have the opportunity to exercise choice about where to direct our practice.
The mind has a tendency to drift from whatever it is doing, become lost for a few minutes in a series of associations, and then return to awareness. The mind does this over and over again, all day long. When you sit to meditate, you get a chance to see this pattern more clearly because you’re not distracted by other things. The cycle of thoughts might happen something like this:
You sit, focusing on the sensations of the body. You notice how your leg meets your hip socket. You notice how your torso is moving with the rhythm of the breath. It feels good. You’re relaxed. You need to go grocery shopping after the timer goes off. You wonder if the store will have fava beans in stock. It’s the right time of year. Spring. The last time you made favas was last spring, the day the decision came out in that case you’d worked so hard on. In many ways the decision was great, but that judge never understood one of the arguments you made. He was just never going to get that. It was disappointing. What if you’d included the affidavit from that other witness? It was a little off point, but it might have pushed the judge to dig deeper into the issue. Oh, you’re meditating right now.
This last moment, when the mind returns to awareness, is what we call the moment of choice. That moment, when you’re simply aware of yourself and your surroundings, is a moment of clarity. It is a brief glimpse of pure awareness, which is the ultimate goal of meditation.
It’s also the time when you can make a choice about where to place your focus. In the example above, once you remember you are sitting to meditate, you can choose to return to your practice, to think more about that old case you worked on, or to be upset with yourself that you forgot you were meditating. Oddly, many people choose this last option, and spend the balance of their meditation period berating themselves for having forgotten to meditate!
Making good use of the moment of choice is one of the most important things you can learn from practicing meditation. So often we come to clarity, only to be upset with ourselves for drifting into thought. This is essentially giving the mind negative reinforcement, punishing it for being self-aware, when that’s actually the state we want to encourage.
Rather than being harsh with ourselves for allowing our attention to wander, a better response is gratitude that our attention has returned and that we’re again aware of what is happening in the moment. This practice of returning our attention to the object of attention has obvious applications in our law practice.
You’re working on a brief, and your mind wanders to the last time you appeared in front of this judge. You recall a question he asked that was completely off point and notice yourself getting frustrated all over again. In this moment, you can notice where your attention is and return it back to the brief.
As you get more practice in identifying the moment of choice, you may find you notice it during the day, when you are off the cushion. Recognizing the moment of choice and exercising choice over where you will put your focus can be very powerful and very freeing.
That moment is when you can decide whether you are going to continue to ruminate about that difficult client, or instead enjoy the view out your window for a few minutes. It’s when you can choose between worrying you might be late to meet a friend and appreciating the pleasure of the brisk walk to meet her. It’s when you can choose to continue a quarrel with your spouse or to shift the tone. Over time, these choices add up and can change the quality of your daily experience.
This article previously appeared on Above the Law.