A couple of years ago, I randomly decided to cross off a bucket list item and walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. I remember when I reached the end of the bridge, I had an overwhelming sense of wanting to continue the journey. I knew in that moment that I wanted to travel across the country, and travel the world someday.
“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable . . . you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that you have left is a compromise.”
― Michael Murphy, “Love Unfiltered”
At the time, I had no idea how, why, or what my journey would look like. Earlier in my career, I would’ve dismissed the idea — immediately. After all, what self-respecting lawyer takes seven weeks off to do anything? That’s just crazy talk, right?
I have to admit, now that I’m nearing the start of my trip, I have a strange mixture of hesitation, fear, and joy. I think it’s because lawyers are risk-averse. We don’t like uncertainty. We like things to be neatly placed into boxes — into categories. We’re also trained to spot issues, which is also a training in looking at all the ways in which things can go wrong and get seriously f’d-up.
We’re trained to devalue things like feelings, emotions, intuition, compassion, kindness, and other human qualities that make us, well, human.
Several times a day, I question this decision.
Which brings me to living your purpose.
Why Are You Here?
Albert Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” When I look back at my life, I recognize that I was doing precisely what Einstein said. I kept working, striving harder, doing more, trying to accomplish more, and trying to check more items off of the accomplishment list. However, I was doing more, just for the sake of doing. I didn’t have a purpose.
I wasn’t exactly unhappy. I just felt lost. I felt overworked, and constantly exhausted. Then I returned to a practice I had abandoned since law school: meditation. Through meditation, I was able to calm my mind, which was constantly operating in overdrive. Once I found stillness, I had the space to examine my life.
“Why are you here? What makes you feel alive? What would truly make you happy? What is the unique gift of yourself that you are bringing to all of us?”
When my friend Kit Newman asked me these questions, I cried. I cried because no one had ever asked me those questions. More importantly, I cried because I had never asked myself those questions.
These questions unlocked something inside of me — that part of myself which had been hidden, suppressed, and neglected all of my life.
This was three years ago, which is to say, this finding your purpose business — it’s a process. Initially, I had some vague idea of wanting to teach mindfulness and meditation to lawyers. That idea blossomed over time and now I have more clarity on my life’s mission.
“The unexamined life is not worth living for a human being.”
― Socrates
I think it’s so easy to go through life without ever pausing to critically examine it, to ask the tough questions about your life’s meaning, purpose, mission, and goals. It requires that we unplug from the constant noise, to stop, and to reflect. I’ve found that this is really hard for lawyers because we identify so much of who we are with what we do. If you let go of your identity as a lawyer, who are you?
Not About Happiness But About Purpose
Let me pause here to address an important distinction. When I talk about finding your life’s purpose, I’m not talking about constantly chasing after fleeting moments of happiness. What I’m talking about is intentionally thinking about and exploring your greater purpose for being alive.
At the end of your life, as you reflect on your journey, what do you want to say you’ve accomplished? What is the difference or impact you want to make?
Role of Resiliency and Courage
Making room, pursuing, and exploring your life’s purpose isn’t an obvious thing to do for most lawyers. It certainly wasn’t for me. I was the follow-the-rules and stick-to-the-script lawyer. There was a certain protocol, certain pattern, certain roadmap I was supposed to follow.
When I decided to break the mold and define for myself what success looked like, to step into my life’s mission and purpose, I met a lot of resistance. There was a lot of “what the hell is she talking about,” and admittedly a lot of “I have no idea what I’m doing,” as well as self-doubt.
Figuring out your purpose isn’t obvious. It’s not a singular destination. It’s a lifelong journey and exploration. Sometimes, you have to try something on to see if it fits — to see if it feels right. You’re not a failure if you try something on and decide it doesn’t fit. You’re not a bad person for wanting to do your life’s work.
Here are two things I’ve learned from committing to live a purpose-driven life:
1. Living your purpose means that you have to exercise your resiliency muscle because you’re going to be breaking rules and social constructs. You’ll be met with obstacles and naysayers. You have to be resilient. You have to be able to bounce back from adversities.
2. You must be courageous. It takes guts to say that the thing you’ve worked so hard to achieve, the thing you’ve been striving for, the dream you’ve been living wasn’t meant for you. It takes courage to stand up to those who say you can’t do this or you’re crazy.
It’s easy to be a bystander offering running commentaries on your actions. As far as responding to these naysayers, I’ll quote my favorite author, Brené Brown:
“If you are not in the arena also getting your butt kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”
This article previously appeared on Above the Law.