How do you deal with jerks?
This is a common question at the root of why I started practicing mindfulness. About seven years into practice, I was on a multi-year litigation case where the opposing counsel was indeed over the top.
He regularly threatened Rule 11 motions; he made snarky comments about my race and gender. He also questioned my lawyering skills and attacked my client’s character.
Over time, I noticed this case was taking up a lot of cognitive real estate. It was one of those all-consuming cases that went beyond the typical litigation grind.
I signed up for an 8-week mindfulness class about halfway into the litigation. Whenever I sat down to meditate, I would think about the case and the opposing counsel. It was so challenging that I almost quit the class multiple times.
What I learned from the class is the importance of emotional regulation. Especially those intense emotions that make you want to jump out of your skin. I realized I had never learned how to soothe and be with intense feelings effectively.
Over the course of months, I practiced all the mindfulness skills from the class on this OC.
Then something magical happened. I became less bothered by his destructive behaviors and felt more empowered. Rather than trying to figure out how to one-up him, I got more skillful at staying neutral. The more I could stay in my inner neutrality, the louder and caustic he became.
After a long battle, we eventually settled, and I was glad to be done with him, but I am grateful for the experience because I never let another person get under my skin the same way.
I learned the value of protecting my mental well-being and not allowing someone else to take up so much cognitive space or energy.
This experience was transformative, reinforcing the importance of self-care in facing difficult personalities.
How do you deal with difficult people?